Behind the Scenes of Hogwarts
by Toumeikage
Summary: Crackfic/Oneshot/Drabble! Just your average day in Hogwarts! Practicing spells, random events, Voldemort revives, etc, etc. Only this incident occurred behind the scenes. Rated T cause I'm paranoid, and everyone knows I like the letter T


**A/N: **This is just a small one-shot that I wrote as a gift to a friend, but decided to post at her request. If you want to thank anyone for the existence of this small piece of insanity, thank her.  
**  
Warning: **Written at random, contains large amounts of insanity, slight spoilers, and a bit of ooc

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Harry Potter. If I did, then that flying car would've become protagonist.

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Harry and Hermione were currently in the library. They were discussing their studies and important spells in Hogwarts school of witchcraft and wizardry.

"Okay Hermione, let's see if you can do this one!" Harry flipped the pages of the large book until he came across something challenging. "Spell the word "unicorn", and no peeking!"

"Harry that has absolutely nothing to do with magic, nor practicing witchcraft and wizardry." Hermione sighed. Reaching over she closed the large book Harry was currently holding. "And for your information, it's spelled, u-n-i-c-o-r-n."

"Says you! The unicorn is the most magical creature on the planet! It can cause rainbows, butterflies, and some of them even have gatling guns that can shoot beams!" Harry wasn't about to let someone disrespect to such an awesome creature so easily.

"Speaking of Charlie what's he doing now in days?" Hermione was curious what Ron's cousin was doing.

_**In Romania…**_

"Keep back there, Hagrid! They can shoot fire at a range of twenty feet, you know! I've seen this Horntail do 88 miles per hour!" Charlie warned Hagrid just in case.

"Ay, can he go back in time!?" Hagrid asked in between the fireballs.

"I'm not sure, he seems too big to enter a phone booth or use a time turner" Charlie was also curious.

_**Back in Hogwarts…**_

"Ah probably just something to do with dragons and time machines like usual, he's been trying to find a way to increase his screen time as it is." Harry replied nonchalantly.

"That makes sense-"

Hermione was cut off by the door to the library being loudly pushed open. Ron had run in as fast as he could and seemed extremely panicked.

"Harry!...Hermione!..." Catching his breath Ron immediately started talking. "There's something I have to tell you…Voldemort's come back to life!"

"Oh that's a good word! Hermione spell Voldemort!" Harry casually continued his spelling practice.

"V-o-l-d-e- wait a minute this is pointless!" Hermione yelled in frustration and put the book she was holding back onto the shelf.

"Hey…um…guys? Like I said Voldemort's revived! We need to go save the world!" Ron yelled in exasperation at his two friends.

"Ah, there's no point, he couldn't kill me when I was a newborn and he still can't kill me, this time is no different." Harry sighed, obviously not caring about the situation. "I'll probably just find some kind of dues-ex-machina dubbed "magical artifact" that just barely saves the day. It's become like a running gag in this series."

Hermione took out another book from the shelf before turning and pointing a finger at Ron. "More like what've you contributed into all this? Me and Harry are always the ones saving the world while you're just there for pointless drama. Even Neville's probably contributed more than you have."

"Hey! I've done plenty!" Ron retorted in frustration. "I'll show you I can save the world I'll go alone! Then I'll become the new main character! They'll even have theme parks dedicated to me!"

"Have you had any notable or helpful appearances other than that giant chess incident?" When Ron remained silent Harry continued. "Thought so. Tell you what I'll go save the world like I've always done. I'll even give Voldemort a handicap, you two just sit here and wait."

"Are you insane!? We all know that without my help you would've died a long~ time ago. I'll go save the world." Hermione put her book back on the shelf and was ready to go.

"No I'll go" Ron wasn't about to let his chance to become the protagonist just slip away like that.

"No I'll go!" As the protagonist and namesake of the series, Harry felt a sense of responsibility to keep up his reputation for the fans.

"No…I'll go…it's my destiny…" A thin and lanky teen with messy bronze hair and death pale skin stepped up behind the three and said those embarrassing lines. "…Although I prefer brunettes."

"Who the heck are you? And why the heck are you sparkling?"

_**Meanwhile in London…**_

Voldemort sighed. "No one's coming…I feel so lonely…. The world isn't worth destroying if no one tries to stop you…"

A woman came up behind Voldemort wearing a hat and carrying a parrot umbrella. "I hear you dear. Lately I haven't been referenced to either. Children of this generation have forgotten all about me. And now in days, parents don't need me anymore."

"Right? It's terrible, lately the author seems so adamant about ending our series. No one cares anymore and always calls us cliché…no one's even trying to stop me from reviving, let alone save the world anymore…"

"There, there, dear" the woman placed a hand on Voldemort's shoulders. "If it makes you feel any better Tom, I'll stop you."

"Okay miss…" Voldemort thought for a moment. "But this year let's make it flashy. Let's do it at the Olympics!"

_**The End…**_

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**A/N: **Honestly I just wrote at random on my friend's request and managed to find some semblance of a plot after much searching. If any of you managed to enjoy it too, then I'm happy enough. The whole Voldemort going to the Olympics thing was mainly based off an article I read about Mary Poppins and Voldemort duking it out, I'm not too clear on what actually happened though so…sorry…

If you like it? review If you don't? criticize, I always appreciate any feedback to improve my writing in the future.


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